From Controlling To Surrendered
I have always much preferred to feel angry rather than sad. When I am angry I feel empowered, protected, strong and in control. When I am sad, I feel vulnerable, weak, exposed and embarrassed.
I have been a person who decided at a young age that it was the wisest move for me to hide my heart and its delicate and sensitive feelings. As a result, I grew into an adult that held onto this habit at the expense of my own happiness.
It is easier for me to fight with someone who is trying to love me and get closer to me, than it is to surrender to the love I feel for them. Read more »
Deciding Not To Decide
When we don't know what to do, this is an important time for us. It is, in my experience, like the middle yellow traffic light signaling for us to take some time, slow down and be cautious.
Whenever I hear myself or others saying 'I don't know" I remind them and myself of the subtle yellow traffic light, which is wise not to ignore, as it reminds us that we have the option in life to decide not to decide for the moment. We may well need more time and more information for our head and heart to consider before we are ready to make a commitment either way. Read more »
Attracted To Rejection
Somehow the adrenalin that accompanied being rejected had become more of a comfort, than any compliment ever was for me. Whenever I was upset and needed to calm myself, I used to think hard of who I could start an argument with by phone, by visiting or pretending to run into. People that I already had an ongoing hurt with were my most sought after, so that I could pick up where we left off. Their rejection seemed to be helpful. It became like a distraction, a new focus point so that I didn't have to believe in myself or try to be better or do better. Their criticism and refusal to let Read more »
A Doctorate In Denial
The best description I know about explaining the commonly used emotional coping mechanism called Denial is to break the word down. This acronym sums up the true meaning of this word beautifully and accurately in my experience.
DENIAL = Didn't Even No It's A Lie. Read more »
