It's About Time!

"Comes a time, when you're drifting, comes a time when you settle down, comes a light feelin's liftin', lift that baby right up of the ground".

I found great comfort in the lyrics of many of Neil Young's songs around 25 years ago, but especially in this one.  Comes a Time.   When I was driftin' and working out why and how one would 'settle down', this song seemed like it was written and sung just for me.  I felt like Neil Young was a wiser older brother that had my back, and was encouraging me not to give up, that one day, I would be able to do this thing called life. 

I was always looking for an exit strategy in intimate relationships, with jobs, and in friendships.  I didn't want to drop anchor and stay anywhere with anyone for too long.  That's where obsessions with drugs, food, money, sex and alcohol helped me.  These weapons of mass distraction, kept me emotionally unavailable and driftin' unable to be locked in or trapped.  However this fear of settling down and emotionally unpacking kept me emotionally isolated and malnourished.

I often wondered what the point of life was, it all seemed like bullshit to me.  All of it ... except being a mother.  That was the only reason I decided to change my lifestyle.  For the sake of my two sons wellbeing.  That was almost 15 years ago now, back when they were aged 7 and 9.  I admire people that have the self respect to make big lifestyle changes for themselves.  I didn't feel I was worth it.  I had attempted suicide as a young teen and at age 33 I was suicidally depressed again.

When I am asked in media interviews, what was the turning point in my life, when was the time, and what was it about that time in my life that helped me decide I was ready to change?

This Neil Young song immediately plays in my head when I hear this question, as the lyrics continue on to say...

"You and I we were captured, we took our souls and we flew away".  

In those years when I was driftin' I was protecting myself from feeling captured, trapped and disrespected again.  For those who have histories like me of heart pain from emotional trauma and abuse, that has not been attended to, to keep the wound from being opened up again, it is a wise option to keep on the move and our hearts out of harm's way.  So we ensure we have an exit strategy so we can always emotionally fly away to stay safe.  Trouble is, we keep our hearts out of loves way too.  And only love can heal fear.  I have yet to meet a person with a wounded heart who has no fear that needs to be flushed out of their system in order to make way for love so they can heal and settle down and enjoy their life.

When I think of the term 'settle down' it translates for me in my world to 'finding safety'.  An unsettled person is on guard, looking for danger, mistrustful, restless and anxious.  It is an emotionally exhausting way to live.  Thus caffeine, booze, drugs and other stimulants become necessary in order for many unsettled drifters to make it through their day without losing it, or checking out and giving up.

The older we get, the harder it gets to not lose it.  The unattended wounds of our past become more and more painfully infected with fear.  So we reach for more and more emotional anesthetics and distractions in a hope of minimizing our pain.  We turn up the volume on our drug use, drinking patterns, sexual stimulus and chase money as if enough of these external distractions can take away the deep internal pain.  We become a slave to our own pain.  The word addiction derives from the Latin meaning for "enslavement'.  Drifters become enslaved to keeping on the move until the time is right for us to make the changes we need to. 

And I am here to say to the downhearted and the skeptical who dont believe this is possible for them or others, who are close to giving up.  People can and do change.  There is always hope.  Wounded hearts do find peace and live happily ever after, it is not a fairytale.  I have been privileged, countless times, over the past decade of working with the walking wounded to witness the miracle of healing.  When the time is right the pupil and teacher find each other.  It is the way of the world, always has been, always will be. 

I have been a pupil attending sometimes reluctantly, The University of Life for many years, and my teachers always arrive to show me the lessons I need to learn when I am ready, willing and able to learn them and not before.

When I visit a detox, rehab or even when I work with celebrities and 'successful' people that don't always have substance abuse problems, but are addicted to fame, recognition, money and sex the principals of recovering Emotional Fitness remain the same.  We need to come home to our own hearts and find a safe way to do that, at our own pace.  Not fly away. I am not one for interventions, shame or forcing others to face their fears.  Force is often what caused the drfiters wound in the first place.  Being frightened, shamed and dominated by people, places and situations beyond the drifters control are why they are still in an emotional state of distress decades after the event.

For those of you who have been reading my blogs for a while now you will be familiar with the terms I use to describe how my spirit or soul anchors and finds safety.  It is with a God of my own childlike understanding .... as G stands for Great, O for Out and D for Doors.  The great outdoors for me is where I have my most powerful spiritual experiences and heal my hearts wounds.   Mother Nature and Father Time, my hearts parents teach me how to help myself with their unwavering support, wisdom, generosity, consistency and beauty.  I have never been let down.  The sun always rises and sets.  There is always oxygen for me to breathe no matter how ungrateful and ugly my behavior becomes. 

I am never punished by Mother Nature or Father Time, but always held accountable with the universal law of cause and effect that we all must live by.  I have heard it said that Mother Nature doesn't take sides; she just looks after the balance of life.  If I am emotionally out of balance and weighed down with fear, I will feel the discomfort and dis ease of that unhealthy state of being, and will need to let go of fear with both hands, so I can embrace love with both hands.   Then emotional balance returns and I feel settled and safe.   Easier said than done! 

We all know that when it is the right time, and right place, life flows effortlessly and we feel at peace.  I am in the right time and right place, when I am being true to my nature.  This is the essence of whom I was as a baby, a little girl before fear infected my life, for this is who I still am.  When I am being true to my own nature and turning down the volume on the outside world and prepared to be willing to go within, so I don't go without I find my answers. 

Mother Nature does not just mean the external birds and bees for me, it also translates to the internal "Mother Ship or Mother Board that we speak of in computing terms".  This is the place where all the power is stored, the original source of connection.  So when I honour Mother Nature I am connecting with that organic starting point within myself that I was born with, and honouring that. 

"Comes a time, when you're drifting, comes a time when you settle down, comes a light feelin's liftin', lift that baby right up off the ground".

Mother Nature's place inside of us all is where our head (thoughts) and heart (feelings) get together and listen to each other.  A daily ritual of morning Meditation helps me start my day by turning down the volume on any external influences and connecting to the Mother source of love and wellbeing within me.  It lifts me right up off the ground.  My day then no longer feels like a chore to endure, but a gift to enjoy.  Instead of flying away from myself, I fly home to myself.

There are many different ways to connect with your true nature, if meditation is not your thing, check out my past blogs under the Emotional Fitness heading on the home page if you would like to find out some other techniques.

When I speak of Father Time I am also not just speaking about the clock on the wall and when the sunrises and sets.   Once again I am referring to the connection to the time clock within us all.  We all know that if you line up ten babies and children they will each, crawl, speak, bud their teeth, ride a bike and hit puberty in their own time.  No matter how much external forces try to influence a child, their internal time clock is set. 

Mother Nature and Father Time have an itinerary that is hard wired within us all and unique to us.    We either work with this wisdom or against it.   What we decide to do will translate into a life that we either endure or enjoy.  I have come to believe we all have a spiritual compass, a time and a place to process our joy and our pain.  And that for us all, there comes a time when it feels and is right for us to do so.   To feel safe enough to let fear out, and love in.

So when Mother Nature and Father Time are partnering each other harmoniously and not at war, life flows.   I find when my head (thoughts) and heart (feelings) are addressed and when I go with the flow of Father Time's itinerary,  my actions (body) are all working together.  I am not disconnected but empowered to move forward, I feel lighter and safer, not shackled down. This is the experience of enlightenment.  We are free from being weighed down with fear.

Not all of us accept the invitations Father Time and Mother Nature offer us as we journey through life.  I was an active alcoholic and addict for 19 years.  I needed 19 years of full flight addiction in order to be ready to surrender to the gift of desperation.  And the only reason I did was for my children.

I often say that I believe had I tried to get clean and sober 15 years into my using history I would have relapsed for the next four years.  My time was 19 years of substance abuse to get to a place of willingness to change.

However there is no need to worry if you have been given opportunities to change in the past and you did not take them.  Mother Nature and Father Time are tenacious.  If you are breathing, there is time, in my experience I have observed that it is never too late to become who you might have been.

I have been asked repeatedly over the past two years to re-commence running my Emotional Fitness Workshops again from past clients, and also from clinicians who attended my workshops by also referred many clients to me.  But for me the time has not been right.  I have had other work I wanted to research and explore.   

Back in 2004 I was blessed and privileged to run open drop in groups and closed intensive workshops.  I ceased these workshops for Federal Government at the end of 2007 and for the past few years have been working for private clinical organizations running in-house trainings and also for corporate organizations that are looking for Emotional Fitness workshops for their executive management and staff.  It has been great for me to spread my wings and take this work into different arenas.  As much as I loved working within hospitals, rehabs, jails and with disadvantaged youth and the homeless between 2004 - 2007, I have found the corporate and professional arena fascinating also over the past few years.

The saying "Most people spend the second half of their lives getting over the first" has never rung more true.  I hear the same stories coming out of the mouths of celebrities and high flying corporate executives about wounded hearts and substance misuse, that I hear coming out of the mouths of sex workers and street kids.  On a heart level regardless of race, gender, and social status we are all the same.  When the heart feels love, and when the heart feels pain, these cultural and social lines disappear, it is a universal experience.

So I am happy to report that I had a meeting with a potential partner in the inner city of Bris Vegas on Friday afternoon last week.  I am looking at commencing for the first time Emotional Fitness Master Classes for the general public.  These sessions will be a culmination of the learning's and insights I have gained over the years from running hundreds of workshops for thousands of Australians. 

I am aiming to start them in August 2010 and researching how much space I will require to run these Master Classes.  I also spent a great deal of last week commencing to write a draft for the new workbook and fact sheets that will accompany these Master Class sessions.  So my apologies for only writing one blog last week, however whilst I am working on getting these Master Classes up and running and writing this new workbook I will probably only get time to post one blog per week for the next little while instead of two, so please bear with me.

If you live in Brisbane and are interested in attending weekly Emotional Fitness Master Class sessions that will most likely run from 6.00 - 7.30pm in the inner city of Brisbane, one evening per week,  please let me know so I can get some idea of the size room I will need to book.  If you live interstate or overseas I will most definitely be able to bring them to your state or country down the track.  I aim to record the Master Class series on audio so that those who are unable to attend in the immediate future, can access the CD and workbook through my blog site.  I will keep you posted.

It just feels like the right time to resume workshops for me now.  Having completed my third book that is now with publishing houses and agents, I have some more creative energy available.  I do miss the learning's I am privileged to share from the wise and brave souls that sign up to do these workshops with me as they commit to improving their Emotional Fitness.  

I am excited about the new adventures with those of you I have worked with, and those I have yet to meet, that lie ahead.

If you are wondering if my Emotional Fitness Master Classes might be for you or someone you love, and this whole concept is new for you ...  if any of these emotional challenges are consistently presenting themselves perhaps the Master Classes might be helpful for your or a loved one to attend.

• Struggling to set and maintain personal boundaries in relationships at home, work or socially.
• Becoming aggressive or submissive instead of calmly asserting your emotional needs in relationships.
• Hiding your true self by relying on the use of weapons of mass distraction like booze, food, sex, work, excessive spending or gambling, exercise, obsession with electronic devices, and being busy in order to avoid intimacy and emotional connection in relationships.
• Notice that a pattern of self sabotaging behaviours are emerging in your life.
• Identify with control issues and find relaxing and surrendering your emotional guard stressful?

So please feel free to send me an email if you would like me to electronically forward you a draft copy of the Master Class brochure.  If you are very interested in ensuring you don't miss out on booking your spot the first intake, email me and I will put your name down on my attendees list to ensure I reserved your booking.  My email address is Cynthia@emotionalfitness.com (no au).  The first series will most likely run from August 2010 through until November 2010 for one evening per week.  The second series intake would be for Master Classes commencing in February 2011 through until May 2011.  There is no need to commit to the whole 16 session series, casual attendance will be an option also.

Who knows maybe the time has come for you to take your emotional health and wellbeing to the next level? 

How Emotionally Fit are You?

..... And if you are not happy with your answer, isn't it about time that you were?

I will leave you with these Word Vitamins from Stacey Charter that resonate deeply with me because they have proven to be so very true in my life .... And in the lives of others I have worked with that have not given up on living happily ever after with themselves and their dreams for there comes a time for us all... if you are still breathing, it is not too late.

"Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable.  Have the patience, wait it out.  It's all about timing".