When Relaxing is Stressful

It is our second day on holidays and I am noticing there are moments I feel stressed about not having anything in particular I have to do.  It is more of a discipline and emotionally taxing for someone like me to relax and do nothing, than to be busy.

I am a person that has a really full life with travel, speaking engagements, writing, conducting  training, workshops and of course my own recovery work that includes regular debriefings with my therapist and attending recovery groups when travelling and at home.  My work and recovery commitments dovetail with my private world of wife, mother and an intimate circle of close friends.  I am on the go most days from 5.00am and often don’t put my briefcase down to conclude my day until 8.00pm.

I often feel more relaxed in hectic situations that many would call stressful and more stressed in social and holiday situations trying to relax.  Having a full working day and evening ahead can be most comforting for me.  An empty day, hmmm …. It does not happen often so I haven’t had a lot of practice at this, and don’t particularly like doing things I am not good at.  It takes deliberate effort to put no effort into a day for me.  Call me crazy!

Father Time and I move most impressively together when doing fast dances with lots of complex moves, excellent timing with a unique flair (he leads, I just follow).  However when he wants to do a slow dance with me I don’t really like it.   He asks me to just feel the music in time and go with its flow without any choreographed steps to follow whilst looking into his eyes at the same time.  I blush and get uncomfortable.  Holidays’ are slow intimate dance lesson homework with Father Time.  I am shy, usually unwilling to begin with, awkward and sometimes even Miss Cranky Pants when he asks me to take his hand.

To really relax for me involves letting go of all of my habitual time structures.  I have to stop doing the day and focus on being present to the moments.  I can do this easily when I am on my own in my lovely nest at home.  I waltz willingly and comfortably with Father Time every morning as I meditate.  However when I travel and am surrounded by strangers, until I have nested in the hotel room or holiday apartment I cannot even contemplate semi-relaxing.

I am grateful that we arrived in Noosa before my sons and their girlfriends did, so I could set up my new nest and mark my territory in the apartment like an animal does in a way.  However instead of urinating in each corner, I place my creature comforts and bits and pieces of colour and beauty in their little spots so my heart can find visual anchors.  

When unpacking the kitchen I was flabbergasted to discover I had left the saucers to my Lady Carlyle tea cups at home.  You see one of my relaxation rituals is to make a pot of beautiful Scottish Breakfast tea and enjoy it from the delightful Royal Albert bone china cups and its teapot that my sons over the years have built on and bought for me each birthday, Mothers Day and Christmas.  It’s like drinking from a cup of love.

I thought I was being edgy by leaving the Lady Carlyle teapot at home and just bringing my plain one, you know we are on holidays and all that.  So my little heart went into a mini panic when I realized I had left the saucers at home.  It’s like going away without any shoes, a little stressful to discover once you have arrived at your destination to relax!  It was however, a great source of humour for my sons and hubby as they made light of my forgetfulness and were successful at making me smile and see the funny side of my eccentric habits.

My turf marking relaxation rituals to combat the stress of being in foreign lands made me think of my darling dog Chelsea she is in doggy heaven.   She too had her own endearing routines and used to walk around in circles two or three times before she could find the right spot and angle to place her huge body down for a nap.  My nesting ritual in a new place is like that for me. I find it too stressful to surrender and let my heart drop anchor until I am absolutely comfortable in my new surroundings.  And to some this probably sounds strange and nonsensical like my dog walking in circles, but it works for me.

One of my most favourite stress relievers whether the day before me involves work or play is to write.  Words are my bestest friends, apart from sparrows.  I love them.  I love hearing them, writing them, reading them, rolling them around in my heart like a sweet lolly on the tongue and most of all, sharing them.  So thank you for sharing your time just now to be here for me to write to.  My heart has anchored this morning and I am in a dreamy and relaxed state for having spent time with you and some quiet written words.

Father Time and I are getting these slow holiday waltz steps down and I am not tripping myself up and feeling like such an awkward incompetent with the whole relaxation rhythm.  I have found my holiday heart moves.

Mr. Delicious has just come back from his morning bike ride and made me a cup of tea in my divine pink and gold love cup and even though she has her thongs on with a plain white saucer that lives in the apartment, she is still a welcomed site nonetheless. He has promised to sit quietly next to me in bed so I can finish this blog and read his book.  However it is a Ben Elton book he is reading and he keeps breaking out in laughter, so I have now lost my focus now and will get back to you tomorrow if you can join me then.

Words Vitamins I will be taking today that you are welcome to digest also if they suit you ...

“If we don’t rest, we become restless”     Ancient Proverb