Deciding Not To Decide

When we don't know what to do, this is an important time for us.  It is, in my experience, like the middle yellow traffic light signaling for us to take some time, slow down and be cautious. 

Whenever I hear myself or others saying 'I don't know" I remind them and myself of the subtle yellow traffic light, which is wise not to ignore, as it reminds us that we have the option in life to decide not to decide for the moment.  We may well need more time and more information for our head and heart to consider before we are ready to make a commitment either way.

When we know something is right for us, this is when I believe our head and our heart are on the same page, they are united.  We know what we want to do and how we feel about it ...  we are clear.  We feel empowered honouring what we feel and think strongly about.  That knowing gives us confidence to move forward because we know it is a green light situation for us. 

Or we can find our confidence lies in knowing when to pass on the opportunity because we know it is a red light situation for us and will not suit us long term.  So we stop and move no further to keep ourselves safe.

So I always translate the phrase I don't know to .... I have a yellow light situation and must decide not to decide for the moment. 

People will often say they feel torn, unsure or that one part of them is telling them one thing and the other part is telling them something opposite.  This can mean that the jury of head and heart is still out, evaluation, consideration and time are now required.

This is what insight is all about, our thoughts or our head, and our feelings, our heart, working together.  For us to truly know ourselves we must learn to give ourselves time to ponder and consider important decisions.  To become more considerate human beings and take our time. 

When our head and heart are both given equal consideration and one is not made inferior or superior to the other but both acknowledged with respect, then we find we can make a better informed life choice.  When we take time to look inside of ourselves for our own truth this is the true meaning of the word, intimacy, and how one builds an intimate relationship with self.... IN TO ME SEE.  We experience true peace when we can master an intimate relationship with ourselves and not disrespect our truth just because it might not conform with popular opinion or be convenient.

I recall being asked to do jury duty a few years ago.  I had never done it before.  I didn't realize that they interview you first before selecting their jury.  I really wanted to be selected as I thought it a real honour.  However when I was being interviewed by both legal teams for the jury selection and I was asked to put my hand on the bible and swear to tell the whole truth nothing but the truth so help me God. 

My heart got heavy.  I couldn't do it.  Not because I couldn't honour my truth, but I knew I would be being fraudulent if I swore on the bible as it is not my belief system so I simply said...

"I am sorry I do swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth but I cannot put my hand on the bible as I do it, for that is not how my faith works.  I respect the Ten Commandments and Jesus and the whole Christian faith, but it is not how my hearts faith works.  I will swear by my own God of Love, and to Mother Nature and Father Time to tell the truth, but that's the best I can do." I put my hand on my heart as I spoke.

I felt sure I had blown my chances of being on the jury but could not be a hypocrite with pretending to be a devout Christian.  However, even though I gave my little speech I was still chosen to be on that jury and it was the most interesting three weeks of my life.

It was a murder trial and the guy accused was not a pleasant human being.  We were transported to the murder site and shown all the forensic evidence, it was heavy going.  However when it came to voting and needing to be convinced beyond a reasonable doubt that this guy was guilty, I was not.  I was the only juror who was not convinced.

We sat for many long hours debating the case and his character.  I meditated and prayed escaping to the female toilets to do so in peace.  As the other jurors were all very annoyed with me.   After hours of heated discussion, as I refused to dishonor what my head and heart were clearly telling m I just said,

"I don't care if you don't like me or the accused, I don't like him either, but we are here to put principles before personalities.  I am not convinced beyond a reasonable doubt that it was him.  And I don't think all of you are either.  He just looks like a criminal and is not a pleasant person.  That is not enough reason to convict him of something I am really unconvinced he did.  So I still stand with not guilty and will not change my vote."

A few more hours passed, and we all discussed the case more from different angles and perspectives.  People that started out being quite rude to me, eventually thanked me and became quite respectful toward the end.  I did not change my vote of not guilty.

Our verdict was, not guilty.

However, to stand true to my own knowing was a foreign concept for me when I started this journey. 

Having my head and heart divorced from each other for 33 years ... it has been a slow courting process.   However my head and heart no longer war with each other, they now waltz as I have been happily married to myself now for 14 years.   I like to ensure I remain in a healthy state of awareness when it comes to keeping my relationship with myself on track. 

Physical fitness experts say 20 minutes of physical exercise each day helps keep us fit.  I recommend a minimum of 10 minutes per day spent working on your Emotional Fitness.  I personally give myself an hour each morning for I am not a slow learner, but most definitely a quick forgetter. 

There is so much to learn about ourselves and life in general therefore it really helps if we take the time to invest in getting to know ourselves better on a daily basis.  Because we all change with the passage of time.  Think of the views you held about love, life and yourself five years ago.  Do you see yourself and the world differently now?  Are you keeping up to date with what you really think and how you honesty feel in your heart?

When I don't know what to do these days, I don't pretend I do.  I remember how important yellow lights of caution are, and do my best to respect them.  I can always tell how my patience levels with my marriage between my head and heart are when I am driving.  When I race and run through yellow lights, odds are I am also rushing myself in other areas of my life too.   On the days when I can honour the yellow signal and slow down and wait, they are the days that things run more smoothly for me, and I make wiser decisions.  I am less likely to be at war with myself or bossing myself around with shoulds and shouldn'ts and more likely to be waltzing with myself exhibiting patience and compassion for myself and others.

So deciding not to decide is a valid and wise choice, and so is slowing down for yellow lights.  Advice I need to take more often!

Just a quick update before I sign off.  I have finished my first draft of my next manuscript and am off to meet with a publishing house this morning.  I don't know how this will go, or even if he will like my new book child, and I must confess I do feel a little like I am about to show my emotional bum to a complete stranger.

I will keep you posted and look forward to meeting you here when you next get some free time to visit.  Until then I would like to leave you with some wise Word Vitamins from the French romantic Poet and 18^th century Novelist Victor Hugo.

"Caution is the eldest child of wisdom"