"What's the difference?" I am often asked this question by highly educated, intelligent people for they are honestly confused when it comes to the subject of addiction.
I still read articles written by clever journalists doubting that addiction even exists ...
"It's just an excuse for poor behavior from people with no discipline" was one line I recently read.
I must admit I do understand the frustration from those who have never struggled with an addiction, looking on at those of us that do. It is often preferable in human nature to become self righteous rather than to admit we are actually uniformed and ignorant about a subject.
"For god sake, just drink water in between drinks, slow down your drinking" they will often suggest to us, or then there's the old line when it comes to drug abuse ...
"Just say No".
I recall many conversations I have been privileged to have with Professor John Saunders MD, FRACP, FAFPHM, FAChAM, FRCP over the past decade. He is one of the unsung Australian medical heroes who has been fighting the battle against drug & alcohol addiction for the past 35 years.
The Prof knows what works and what doesn't. Who is he you might ask? He is a consultant physician in internal medicine and addiction medicine, working with the World Health Organization, is the Founding and Emeritus Editor-in-Chief of the Drug and Alcohol Review, a Vice-President of the International Society of Addiction Medicine, a member of WHO's Expert Advisory Panel on Substance Abuse, and was Co-Chair of the DSM V Substance Use Disorders Workgroup from 2003 to 2007. So he really knows his shit when it comes to addiction. I have been privileged to have him as a mentor and a wonderful elder throughout the past years of my own recovery.
He explained one day at lunch about the genetics and biochemistry of the addict. I was asking him countless questions as a concerned single mother and recovering alcoholic/drug addict. Having been clean and sober for 5 years when I met him I was running weekly Emotional Fitness Groups in his hospital (RBH) for those in crises with addictions. My questions related to my sons and if they would be at risk of my addictive gene.
In this month's blog I felt the need to share some of the knowledge I have been privileged to learn from the Prof and also from the experiential perspective living in abstinent recovery from my personal drug and alcohol addiction for the past 16 years firsthand. Hopefully as the festive months of December and January come and go some of this information may be of use if you or someone you know is uniformed about what addiction actually is, as I once was.
Prof explained to me that I needed to understand that when about 75 per cent of men and women drink alcohol, they do so responsibly and in ways that are very unlikely to cause them any harm. He pointed out that it is important to acknowledge that the majority of people drink and enjoy alcohol and don't suffer any really serious consequences from it. They are often the ones who look at 25% of the problematic population like me and utter in frustration "Just don't let yourself get shitfaced, and you'll be fine".
Prof went onto explain that 40 or 50 percent of the reason why people in that remaining 25 percent of the population left do develop a drinking problem, can be explained along genetic lines.
You see I used to think I was an undisciplined, flawed human being as an active addict. Any of my closest friends today will tell you that being undisciplined is not one of my character traits ... more on obsession and passion in a moment.
Prof emphatically pointed out that addicts suffer from a disease and active addiction is not about poor character, but poor health management. With the right information and lifestyle changes addicts can live in remission as I and many of my clients have done for the past 16 years.
Consider heart disease, the leading cause of death in the developed world. It's partly due to genes and partly due to poor life style choices such as bad diet, lack of exercise, and smoking. The same is true for other common diseases like adult-onset diabetes. Many forms of cancers are due to a combination of genes and life style. But if your doctor said that you had diabetes or heart disease, you wouldn't think you were bad, undeserving person. You would think, "What can I do to overcome this disease?"
That is how Prof Saunders guided me to approach addiction recovery thus this perspective is the basis of my Emotional Fitness Program approach.
I am still running groups at the Royal Brisbane Hospital a decade later, and in each group session I remind those in rehab, and also those hiding their addictive behaviours behind money, success and fame that addiction is not a weakness.
The fact that addiction crosses all socio-economic boundaries also confirms that addiction is a disease. People who don't know about addiction will tell you that you just need to be stronger to control your use. But if that was true then only unsuccessful people or unmotivated people would have an addiction, and yet 10% of high-functioning executives in the corporate world also have an addiction.
Let's think globally of some well known highly successful over achievers? Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Charlie Sheen, Elvis the list goes on and on littered with gifted and talented personalities whose lives have become strangled with addictive behaviours.
Many remain in denial then die from their addiction for they think of addiction as a weakness, thus paint themselves into a corner that they can't get out of. They focus on trying to out think or become physically stronger trying to control their use, instead of treating addiction like a disease and focusing on stopping their use.
You may become addicted to any drug, if you have a family history of addiction. If at least one of your family members is addicted to alcohol, you have a greater chance of developing an addiction to any other drug. Cross addiction occurs because all addictions work in the same part of the brain. If your brain is wired so that you're predisposed to one addiction, then you're predisposed to all addictions.
This is especially important for women who may come from alcoholic families, but who often develop addictions that go undetected, like addictions to tranquilizers, pain relievers, or eating disorders.
One addiction can lead to other addictions, and one drug can make you relapse on another drug. That's one of the consequences of a brain that's wired for addiction. Suppose you're addicted to cocaine. If you want to stop using cocaine then you have to stop using all addictive drugs including alcohol and marijuana. You may never have had a problem with either of them, but if you continue to use alcohol or marijuana, even casually, they'll eventually lead you back to your drug of choice. Recovery requires total abstinence so a great deal of support, education and patience is necessary for the individual and also from those who love them.
Getting back to the question about the difference between addiction, obsession and passion. When I'm asked this, my response is focused upon turning the addiction envelope inside out. What I mean is that the flip side of addiction which is a word that has Latin roots that translate to mean "enslavement" is freedom. The degree of our pain is directly proportionate to the degree of our joy, the blacker the night the more beautiful the dawn. The more restrictive our slavery the more delightful our freedom.
Active addiction feeds on fear and self hatred. Active recovery feeds on love and self respect and this creates heart felt passion. An addict in action is obsessively fear driven. Regardless of whether its booze, drugs, pills, food, sex, nicotine the rituals and rigid enslavement to the habit creates an obsessive lifestyle. What I call head and body or thought and action driven people. Active addicts often come across as heartless and insensitive people because fear disconnects their heart. They can still be successful in career but will be emotionally bankrupt when it comes to long term quality relationships.
When the active addiction coin is flipped over from the fear side to the love side, miraculous transformations unfold. What replaces the addicted obsessive behavior is a passionately disciplined human being.
It is like watching a blind person gain sight when the heart reconnects in the life of an addict. It is sacred work and takes time and a solid program of recovery to build Emotional Fitness and is not easy but most definatley do-able.
Head, heart and body or thought, feeling and action working in harmony is a healthy birthright we all deserve to claim for ourselves. Many people I work with on their Emotional Fitness are not addicts, but simply need to learn how to make peace with themselves.
I ran into a woman yesterday who I knew only really in my active addiction years. We were surfer girls together on the Gold Coast in the late 70"s early 80's. I envied everything about her.
In the following decade back in 1995 I was aged 33 when I came out as an active alcoholic and addict. I told the world in my books about childhood trauma and my journey recovering from addiction, it was cathartic for me as my first book hit bookshelves nationally. As a result, our relationship dissolved. We were still friends as the book was launched and had young children, however I was gradually excluded from her social circle as they years passed and my second book came out, I am not sure why. My marriage ended during this time and I became a single mum. I missed her for many years, even dreamed in my sleep about being her friend again wondering what I did wrong and why in her eyes she did not want me around anymore.
When I ran into her yesterday she seemed genuinely happy to see me. Her smile was warm and she asked about what I was doing with my work. I told her about my lovely life and asked her about hers, we chatted for a while. I sensed she was not happy and could also hear faint regret from her that we had lost touch. She said she would love to catch up and get together, I agreed but I was running late to meet colleagues for lunch so I had to rush off. I observed for the first time in my life, not a flicker of envy remained within me as I walked away. I was so grateful to be me now and to have my life. As we both approach 50 on our next birthday much time has passed. I was always the messy, tragic one back in the 80's and she the golden girl who had it all in my eyes. However, I didn't want to be her anymore, what a relief that was to acknowledge and to treasure being me.
As I sat with my darling Mr. Delicious last night just watching the television holding hands I asked him to pause the TV so I could speak to him.
"I just have to say thank you for loving me, and that I love my life so very much. I am so grateful I am an addict in recovery, otherwise I would never have found the strength I have needed to create this beautiful life for myself, nor would I have had the confidence to be with a wonderful man like you." He gave me his big warm, sexy smile and squeezed my hand.
As I sign off for the month I would like to say thank you to all those who have joined me as Facebook Friends to receive daily Word Vitamins. I write them for myself every day after completing my morning meditation to help me stay on my own road of recovery, .... one teaches what one need to learn most ... so I am pleased that my homemade Word Vitamins also are helpful to others. If you too would like to receive them just send me a Facebook Friend request.
This month's Word Vitamins are not my own, but from William Arthur Ward, enjoy ...
"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it, is like wrapping a gift and not giving it"
